Despite my last posting dear readers, i managed to slip out of the workshop for a few hours before the big night.
I ended up talking to a lovely bunch of children, most of whom were on my nice list, though a couple should of been recieving coal this year.

anyhow. for those that read this and wonder if Santa is real, i thought i would let you know this story...

I can assure you all, it really happened just as i am about to tell.........

On Saturday, I became The Santa for the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, in Knightsbridge, London.( opposite Harvey Nicks) Over 3 hours, I got to meet 97 children, each one full of the joys of the Season, and E numbers. I had a good hit count with my Naughty and nice cold read. ( I tell the child that they have been a little naughty, then appear to tell them what they did, and when they did it) In truth, they tell me what they did. Or at least that they did something. One child, blurted out that the week before, he had stolen another kids chips off his plate, whilst they were under the table. You’d of thought he had committed murder. It was funny. Now, the next child came along. She was about 4 years old, and full of confidence. And this dear reader was the Unbelievable thing that happened…. I was holding a wrapped parcel. I had no idea what was inside. What would you like for Christmas? A teddy bear What colour bear? Umm… A white one A white polar bear? Oh yes there lovely.. Is it a little girl, or a little boy Bear? A little girl Does she have a ribbon around her neck? Yes, a red one. And, what’s the name of the bear? Chloe. I then repeated the information back to Daddy, just to make sure he got it. I then handed over the gift saying, don’t open it until Christmas. She walked off happy. The next child came along. She was the same age, and the present was the same thing. Ashe turned away, she opened her gift. And out of the wrappings fell a toy, white polar bear, wearing a pink hat, and a red ribbon around its Neck. The first little girl will be so happy Christmas….Daddy might be shocked too! Late on, I discovered that every child that asked for a bratz doll, received a bratz doll. I also discovered that the toys were not ordered in for the individual child, they came from a warehouse, pre wrapped. Even the staff didn’t know what was inside the wrappers. And this, dear friends is my Christmas Miracle for this year. 97 kids, all receiving a random gift from Santa, and each gift, what they asked me for. I should be on channel 4! ( Move over Derren Brown !)

well, 2007 is comming to an end, and alas our dear old saint Nick will be far to busy this year to make an appearance in kensington.

You know, at first i thought a little sad that i wouldnt be mingling with you all, and meeting all the children. Alas, it's the sign of the times i am afraid.
you see, in this troubled old world of ours, my naughty list has just got so big.
checking it twice, is almost a full time job .

oh the elves help where they can, but unfortunatly they are just too short to reach the book its all written in.

may your season be full of joy, and love.

and dont worry, the delivery will be on time, as always..
your faithfull Friend..
Santa.
X.X.X

day one.Life on the streets.

On the first day of Santa…

I arrived at the shop in good time, as usual. The owner was telling me how this year had been one of the worst business years in their history.
Not surprising, since it was hit hard by the bombs in London, and the congestion charges.
I thanked my lucky stars that I was doing it this year.
So, I slipped into my outfit, in private as per usual.
The transition from me, to the Santa is something I can not do in front of people. Then With bell in hand, I strode my way to the door. Suddenly, The owner burst forth.
Leaflets were thrust into my hand.

“Give these out would you”. She said.” Our other shop needs customers so push it hard for us.”

A feeling of panic ran through me, as I realised that I couldn’t wave to passers by, or shake the children’s hands, with a bell in one hand, and some flyers in the other.
“Ah ha!” I thought.” Stuff them into your tunic.” This worked perfectly.

So, on the door step, I stood ringing my bell. Ding Dong, Ding Dong
.” Ear, it comes to something if bleeding Santa won’t let the homeless sleep!” said a gruff voice swathed in musky blankets. It was a young girl.
She shuffled off, looking like something from a Jim Henson movie, or one of the weird sisters from the Scottish play.

The weather was cool, yet not cold, and I soon decided to remove the gloves. This helped with the handling of the slippery paper too. But where to put the gloves?
In the tunic!
A good idea in principle, but as the day went on, they became a conversation piece.
“Hey Santa, Nice boobs!” Said one girl, probably in her late teens. as she squeezed the right glove.

“I will have to come up with something new for next week!” I thought.


And so the day progressed. It was quiet for the first day. The usual ”coming down my chimney?” Innuendo from passing grannies came and went.” Had it swept lately?” was my reply, as always.
The man who I call Mr sideways bum, passed. A jolly chap with a strange shaped stomach. . I swear it looks like his bum is on sideways.
He always greats me by singing part of “Santa clause is coming to town” which is nice.
Around mid day, my feet started to ache. So I leant against a wall, and massaged my foot on a metal ring that’s set into the pavement.( through my Wellington boot I should add!)

There was a tap on my shoulder, and some sliver coins were thrust into my hand. Surprisingly it was a gentleman of the road.
“Change this at the Bureau de change, and get your self a cuppa tea mate.” he said. I realised that in my leaning, and wriggling state, he had assumed I was one of his number.
I was strangely touched, and offended at the same time.

Then, along came Elvis.

Not the King himself, but an obese Asian guy, complete with blue suade shoes, and a quif.

how did i know he was Elvis? He waddled past me mumbling " thagqu very much " under his breath. He was also wearing for all to see, a belt buckle the size of a man hole cover ebossed with the word..." Graceland".
Bit of a give away .